Monday, September 24, 2012

A Top Ten List Of Ways To Waste An Afternoon or; My Day

1. Take awkwardly un-photogenic photos of yourself with boyfriend's hijacked cell phone and set as lock screen, so as to remind him of how amazing you are every time he ignores his alarm.

2. Drive home from work hoping no one will notice the tail light you still haven't fixed, despite narrowly escaping said encounter the previous day, while receiving a speeding ticket.

3. Ruminate on how when you got that ticket, the police officer asked you to step out and stand by his car, only to search your vehicle on suspicion of "a faint whiff of cannibus." They're called cigarettes, jerk. Although he was quite nice after determining you are not, indeed, a pothead.

4. Arrive home, search in vain for Law and Order SVU marathon to set as "background noise" for the writing process.

5. Get sidetracked by Sex and the City movie instead.

6. Attempt to take a walk with mother, only to decide you're really incapable of normal human interaction today and hole yourself back up in the basement.

7. Unable to resist any longer, continue along the slow dark path to filling the rest of the evening with Breaking Bad on netflix. You know you wanted to all along.

8. Sandwich break.

9. More Breaking Bad, while intermittently staring at blank screen and writing nonsense intros to posts that will never be.

10. Write this list in an attempt to cover up shame in using an afternoon for screen-staring.

You're welcome, phone.

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